you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
