Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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