The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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