Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
