Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
they're like a gay fantastic four
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
