i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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