I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Rumble strips road head = magical
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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