today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
