i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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