the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
