yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
