I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
