How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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