Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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