I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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