There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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