dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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