you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
