the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
