I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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