I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
