Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
