I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
