Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
