I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
