oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
