Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
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