Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
