Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
