sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm just crazy horny about you
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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