Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
