i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
