You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
