This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
