Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
