Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
