Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
