He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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