I can tuck mytits in my pants
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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