A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
my poor anus
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
