the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
