I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
