You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
