I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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