Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
