worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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