CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
