Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
