yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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