She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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